I can't believe that today is May 1st and that next month is June. Is it just me or is 2010 flying by? This is one of the exciting things about being due at the beginning of a month because if Courtney decided to be just a little early to the party, then we could actually have a baby this month. A few days early would be fine with me, but I'd like her to stay in and bake as long as she needs...well, until I serve her an eviction notice.
The last few days I've been wondering about what my birth experience will be like. I keep asking Mike, "Do you think I will be able to do this and that?" The poor guy has no idea so he pretty much ignores the questions. I think for me, it is the fear of the unknown. I don't know how sore I'm going to be after delivery. I don't know how difficult and painful breastfeeding can be at the beginning. I don't know if this child is actually going to fit through the birth canal. At this point, giving birth doesn't scare me. I know it sucks and hurts bad and I'm mentally prepared for that. It's the what ifs that are starting to worry me. What if she doesn't fit or her heartrate drops and they want to do a c-section? Am I prepared for major surgery? Is Mike prepared for me to have major surgery? (The guy can barely watch medical shows on tv without looking away...let alone be in the room with me when they are cutting me open.)
My birth plan is simple. I'd like to avoid an episiotomy and would prefer to tear (I can't believe I just wrote that down. yuck) Truthfully, I'd prefer not to tear at all but you get what I'm saying. I've heard the healing time of a tear is much quicker then being cut. I know I want pain medication but would like to labor on my own until I find the pain to be too unbearable. I have a centimeter number in my head but I wont write it down so I don't feel defeated if I can't make it that far while actually in labor. Remember, I've never done this before so I may be living in a fantasy world but that is OK with me right now. Our hospital provides birthing balls and jacuzzi tubs for laboring which I'd like to try (I'm not talking about a water birth here, just to help contractions). I'm more open to the use of the vaccumm if needed then the use of forceps or salad tongs as we call them. A c-section is only an option if the baby is not doing well ro the doctor knows she wont fit. If the baby is still doing well after hours and hours of labor, I'd prefer to just keep waiting with hopes of delivering vaginally. On the other end, I trust my doctors and will listen to them when they give me advice for what is best for the health of the baby and me. And if that means having to use interventions to help get her out, so be it. My end goal is to have a healthy baby.
I'm not actually writing out a birth plan because dimming the lights and listening to soft music if the farthest thing from my mind. I don't have any expectations and I'm hoping that this will make for a good birth experience. I think if you go in with too many rules and expectations you are most likely going to be disappointed it didn't go the way you wanted.
Sorry for my ramblings today and thanks for listening.